TV Detective World Series Round 1 - Grissom vs Doo

The excitement of the TV Detective World Series continues apace, with this week's contest between two stalwarts of the genre:

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Here we see two long serving pillars of justice and the law. Whether it's a grisly murder or some kind of scary-costume-themed caper, between the two of them they would get the job done. But how will they do(o) when pitted head to head? You decide...

Round One - Car

Grissom eschews the over the top madness of his Miami counterpart's vehicle choice. Rather than over-compensating with a General Motors Hummer, Grissom prefers to compensate just enough with a Chevrolet Tahoe, or a GMC Yukon, depending on what year it is. These no nonsense all-American 4x4s get him from A to B, whether B is a grisly desert crime scene or a grisly city-centre crime scene.

Doo travels from encounter to encounter in a bright blue van. Choosing style over subtlety, the van is painted in bright blue and green with orange lettering declaring it to be not simply 'a' but The Mystery Machine. Driven by Alpha-Male Fred, The Mystery Machine ferries Doo and his team wherever they are needed - whether that be a deserted fairground, a deserted mine or a deserted mansion on a hill.

Round Two - Being Based On The Famous Five

Grissom was the original televised Crime Scene Investigator. Focussed and determined, his analytical mind has been likened to Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes. It has also been said that he looks "a bit like one of the Baldwin's. Not sure which". But he has never been accused of being based upon children's author Enid Blyton's Famous Five books.

Doo on the other hand plays a sterling job here, because he and his colleagues were indeed based on the best-selling children's novels of the 40s, 50s and 60s. Some of the details were lost in translation - the dog Timothy, for example, was going to have a larger role; there would also be more criminals pretending to be monsters in order to affect the price of real estate - but on the whole Scooby Doo was a re-imagining of a tale of four friends and their dog becoming embroiled in mysteries.

Round Three - Catchphrase

"The evidence never lies" - Grissom

Brooding and steely, Grissom must work in an environment where people quickly forget even the most fundamental lesson about what kind of things can and cannot lie as he is compelled to remind those around him that the evidence never lies at least four times each episode. The phrase is his mantra, his very sword and shield and keeps his work grounded in science and fact.

"Scooby Dooby Doo" - Doo

Doo's catchphrase involves saying his full name. It is used as a victory salute, and often turns into a howl at the sky. It should be remembered that as Doo is a dog, the fact that he is able to enunciate even his own name is a truly remarkable feat that should hopefully see him pick up points in this round.

But what's this? Closer inspection from the judges reveals that Doo's nephew, a puppy that is perhaps six months old, has a perfect grasp of the English language - this casts Doo in a completely different light, and his language skills seem rudimentary by comparison.

Round Four - Legacy

Grissom was one of the pioneers of the Forensic Procedural Cop Show. He stood on the shoulders of the likes of Quincy, and proved that it was fine to have a TV Cop show that was just some scientists investigating stuff: CSI:NY/Miami, NCIS, Bones, Criminal Minds, Numb3rs, all followed in their wake. Grissom must take some responsibility for opening a door that brought CSI:Miami's Horatio Caine into the world and looks to take a points hit in this round for the crime.

Doo on the other hand hasn't been far from our screen since 1969. He has been revamped and re-imagined, had the stage stolen from him by his own nephew and seen some truly risable (one would imagine) motion pictures made in his honour. Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated premièred on Cartoon Network in 2010 and has been repeated around the world ever since. A strong, albeit stained legacy from everyone's favourite van-based-crime-solving-cartoon-dog's-uncle.

So there you have it. Voting closes in once month, and in the meantime visit our main website for all your murder mystery needs.

Next Time...

TV Detective World Series Round 1 - Caine Vs Batman

Another week, another battle between two of TV's greatest detectives! That's right, it's not just award winning events from The Murder Mystery Company - we like to discuss the important issues of the day! This time...

Caine Vs Batman

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This match pits a man who uses hi-tech gadgets and cheesy dialogue to solve a series of far fetched crimes perpetrated by ridiculous villains... against Batman.

That's right - CSI:Miami's finest Horatio Caine has drawn the Caped Crusader himself in the first round. Who wins? You decide...

Round One - Realism

Caine takes off his sunglasses, says a few words, puts them on again, says some more, then sits down with what could possibly be described as a smile. He is, after all, a scientist. Part of his job is to use modern forensic skills to bring murderers to book. He would never be guilty of overstepping the - oh hang on, what's this? A security tape of the victim, with the killer just out of shot? What are you going to do about that, Horatio? What? You're going to... zoom in on the victim and then enhance so much you can identify the killer by the reflection in the victim's eyeball? Oh, Horatio...

Batman predominantly targets Supervillains and their goons. While at first glance it may appear that this is not realistic, they are clearly defined as Supervillains. Who are we to judge how realistic or not those portrayals are? Exactly. We're no one. He's Batman.

Round Two - Way Of Speaking

Caine does a good job here. As the father of 'Sunglasses Punctuation', he likes to begin a sentence, pause while he puts on his sunglasses, and then deliver those last crucial words. The only drawback here is that he relies heavily on being set up by a good feeder line, usually supplied by Frank.

For example, at the aftermath of a shooting from a passing boat that targetted a series of Miami party goers, Frank opines that it looks like a drive-by. Caine's response?

"A drive-by", (puts on sunglasses), "Miami style".

Batman, on the other hand... puts in PAUSES at... random stages OF EACH sentence and... emphasises RANDOM WORDS for no discernible reason. He also uses the word 'criminal' as if it is a swear word. He is... LOVELY.

Round Three - Car

Caine is proud of his gas-guzzling General Motors Hummer, based on the military Humvee and capable of performing in excess of half a mile to the gallon. It is the perfect vehicle to transport him, his sunglasses and his fingerprint dusting kit from crime scene to crime scene.

Batman has the Batmobile. This round actually defaults to the caped crusader.

Final Round - Sidekick(s)

Caine surrounds himself with assistants, each bringing their own skills and abilities to the crime lab. Whether it is beautiful Calleigh Duquesne with her gun fetish, beautiful Dr Alexx Woods with her prepensity to talk to dead bodies and call them 'sweetie' or beautiful Tim Speedle with his inability to clean his gun properly leading to it jamming on him and him being shot dead, Caine has the team to do the job.

Oh dear, oh dear. After such a strong showing in the previous rounds, Batman has to face facts - no matter how he tries to dress it up, his sidekick is Robin. The judges clear their throats awkwardly and try to overstate the role played by Alfred the Butler, but the massive drag factor Robin puts on proceedings is evident and Batman accepts crushing defeat in this round.

So there you have it. Two extravagant figures of TV Detection, but which is the best? As ever, you decide. Voting closes in one month, on Friday 15th June.

In case you were concerned when reading the judges report that the author has predetermined which combatant is best, let us remind you of our fondness for and close relationship with CSI based television shows!

Add your votes above, your comments below, and as ever, feel free to check out what we do when we're not doing this.

Next Time...

Fox Mulder Vs Dr Mark Sloan